“I’m gay and even I like boobs.” I think that quote says it all on how men feel about boobs. Even if they are not attracted to women they still like them and are fascinated by them. I’m not quite sure how it came up, but we were sitting around the table this weekend with some friends and I might have mentioned that I didn’t understand the obsession people have with our mammaries. Sitting around with a bunch of guys, they just looked at me like I was crazy. Even our gay neighbor had to add his two cents and affirmed his love of all things booby. All the guys chimed in and they thought the bigger the better, fake is fine and at the end of the day, any size will do. Indeed.
I am not a boob gal. I mean I have a pair, small and perky. My boobs will never be reaching my knees. Maybe one day my they could hit my belly button but I would have to start hopping around sans a bra for the next 25 years. I have always been fine with barely filling out an A cup. It works for me. I have very broad, almost linebacker type shoulders so I end up having to buy a size large in shirts, just so they fit me width wise. The sleeves are always too long, but that’s okay. I have always had a hard time finding a shirt that fit and if I had bigger boobs I would probably have to go to a plus size store just to get a top. I got great legs and a nice butt, I don’t need a huge set of knockers.
InLos Angeles, I had a ton of girl friends that had, what my husband calls “bolt-ons,” or better known as fake tits. I can say without hesitation, I love my friends, but every single set of those things just looked ridiculous. Even if they were “well done” and “looked natural” as soon as I would hug them it was like pressing against a couple of hard cantaloupes. I’ve never met a pair of squishy fake ones. I never understood why any of these smart, attractive, successful women felt the need to augment their body. I know their reasons, they were all straight forward. They either felt like there boobs didn’t look like they did after child birth or they wanted to look more attractive in certain clothes or they felt that having boobs was a self confidence builder. To each point, I still don’t understand. The girl with the fake boobs after child birth looked like she was hiding two watermelons under her shirt, as for the better fitting clothes I always shop for clothes that fit me (not the other way around) and finally, I don’t see how a piece of silicone or saline infused bag can build confidence (if it could, why not just carry one in your purse and avoid going under the knife?)
I have been offered a pair of boobs. I mean it’s hard not to live inLos Angelesfor 11 years and not have someone offer up some augmentative surgery. I refused. I tried to convince the “generous” donor to maybe hook me up with a new car or pay off my law school education but they just didn’t see the practicality of that. (Obviously, by ‘practical’ they meant what they would find practical, not me.) My husband would not be so bold (or should I say stupid) to request I go under the knife, instead he suggested one of those bras that is so padded you can go up three cup sizes. Sure, when you put it on you look like you are hiding a football player’s should pads under your shirt, but dammit – you got BOOBIES! I tried to sport that bra and I was really uncomfortable. I feel like I look ridiculous and I can’t help but think that when I hug someone they are going to ask me why I am hiding what feels like two rolls of toilet paper in my bra. I tried wearing it out in public once and I noticed exactly where all eyes were focused on and it really weirded me out. I think I’ve gotten too used to people looking into my eyes….maybe that’s my issue?
