My First Time In The Torture Chamber

The other day I got an email from Living Social, that discount site that gives you 50% or more off on restaurants and various activities.   Most of the time the offer is for something in a town that is just a little too far away to even justify the cheap price of the deal, but the other day was different.   I got an offer for unlimited classes at Bikram Yoga in my town for two months for only $30!  The normal price for an unlimited month is $100 so this was a deal I could not refuse!   Without hesitation or investigation, I signed up and was so excited to be breaking out my yoga mat.

I had taken a few yoga classes in LA and always loved the Zen like meditative state I found myself in during a class.   The instructors were hypnotic telling us to breathe, close you eyes and honor your body.  It was about relaxation.  It was about connecting your chakras and becoming one with your third eye.  I never knew what any of that ever meant, but I always liked the way it made me feel.   With my Living Social deal in hand, I was ready to try my hand at Bikram yoga.

I didn’t really know very much about Bikram yoga except that they keep the room a little warm.   I looked up the place I was going to see what classes were offered and for directions.  While on the site, I noticed there was no beginner or advanced class, it was one size fits all.   Okay, I thought, this should be fine.  The site said to be there on time because they lock the doors once the class starts; easy enough, I’m punctual.   The site also instructed me to bring a mat, a towel to completely cover my mat, and a supply of water.    I could do that – this was going to be great!

I arrive early, sign in and ask if I can go in the room to lay out my mat.   Everyone was waiting outside the studio, which is why I was hesitant to walk in.  Once I got into the room I immediately knew why everyone waited outside.  The room was 104 degrees.   It was a little stuffy.  I lay my mat and towel down in the back of the room.  They want the newbies in the back so we can learn what is going on.   I was situated in the back corner where the wall heaters came together, so it was extra toasty.   When class began we were instructed that this was a 90 minute class and no one is allowed to leave the room early.   I immediately started to panic, what if I have to pee?  What if it’s just too hot?  Why are they locking me in here?   Didn’t I read on the website that they lock the doors once class begins?   Holy crap!  They are going to slow cook us!

I calmed myself down long enough to do our first breathing stretch.   In the nose, out the mouth, breathe in and breathe out.  I felt just like the Karate Kid.  Once our breathing stretch ended, we were told that for the remaining hour and twenty minutes we were not to breathe through our mouths.  We were only allowed to breathe through our noses.  This was a challenge for me because most of my deep breathing is done in the nose and out the mouth.  How was I going to breathe when it’s this hot and I am exercising?   We move through a series of postures and poses.  I am quickly learning that the level of heat isn’t the only thing that differentiates this style of yoga from what I am used to.  In all the other yoga classes I’ve taken the mantra from the instructor was “honor your body.”  In this class the teacher went Charlie Sheen on us telling us to tap our inner Bengal tiger.   Work through the pain, push yourself, this is your chance to change your life.

At this point I was beginning to feel that the only way this class was going to change my life is that I would go from being alive to being dead.  My heart was pounding but what was more disconcerting, was the fact that I could not breathe.  It wasn’t that I was out of breathe, it was that I felt like I wasn’t getting any oxygen into my lungs because the air was so hot and thick.    As I’m trying to Zen myself into a place where I can get oxygen into my blood cells, the instructor continues by saying that we all have come to the Torture Chamber and we need to work through the pain.  Really?   Where did this method come from… the offices of Josef Mengele?

I was at yoga and I was fearful for my life.  How did this happen?   I was out of air and was afraid to leave the room.  I didn’t know if the instructor would go tiger blood on me.  When it got to the point where I realized if I didn’t walk out of the room at that moment, I would have to be carried out by a stretcher,  I raised my hand and said I had to leave.  From the looks of the instructors and my fellow classmates you would have thought I just said I killed a baby seal.  They looked pissed, disgusted and disappointed.  Oh, well….it was hot enough in there; they can sweat all of that out.

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